Author: Jodi Reed

A Small Act of Kindness…..

A simple act, a response to a situation without thought, done from the heart and not the ego – a simple act of helping a stranger – not in a big way, but in a teeny tiny miniscule way – probably forgotten by all those involved by now, two days later, except for me. I am inspired by one of the people involved – the cashier at the local convenient store.

Two customers, a woman and a boy, were being rung up by two separate workers at the same time. As the woman’s transaction ended, the boy’s rang up a bit over the amount of cash laid on the counter. The young man walked away to grab another dollar as the woman reached into her wallet and gave his cashier a dollar bill to cover the cost. It was an automatic response – no time transpired between the cashier saying that the boy was short and the dollar being handed to him. Then, as the change came out of the automatic dispenser, she gave the remainder of the dollar in change to the cashier.

The cashier responded with, “I’ll pay it forward to the next customer who needs it!” Such a small act of kindness that began(I hope) a journey of other small acts. How many small acts of kindness do we provide without thought? How many kindness seeds can we plant that grow to enormous kindness trees with branches upon branches of small acts? I wonder if we each completed one small act of kindness to a stranger each day, how would the world be different?

Three Kinds of Business

Do you have coworkers who worry, worry, worry….about you? Do you work with people that are so concerned about what YOU are doing at work that they spend THEIR time at work talking to your boss about THEIR concerns about YOU?

I just have to say, I’m so happy that I don’t spend my time, energy or focus on what my coworkers are doing (unless it affects me directly – or right now for the sake of this blog). I am a responsible adult in a service career and I treat my coworkers with the respect that they were doing what needed to be done. What THEY are doing is THEIR business, not MY business.

It was somewhat humorous when my boss let me know this happened and he told me next time just to let him know before the (not so mysterious) coworker asks him about it first! LOL So, for today’s joint activity (with said mystery coworker), I did. I left him a note on his desk this morning! I took care of MY business.

Women – Powerful or Power-full?

I just have to wonder why on this blessed earth do women follow this desire to compete with one another? Why do we feel the need to feel power over each other? From wanting to be the favorite daughter, to the best sister, prettiest in the family, skinniest in the class, smarter than the other ‘dumb blondes’ – the list is endless! Just writing that last phrase puts other women down! I had to find out how the ‘dumb blonde’ label came to be….I was shocked to find out that it began with an 18th-century French courtesan named Rosalie. Really? We’ve been perpetuating this for centuries?
As soon as a woman enters a room with other women in it, we take in the physical attributes of one another …. and compare… and judge… and criticize. We think, ‘I’m prettier than her; my legs are thinner than hers; her boobs are huge; what in the hxxx is she wearing?”

What hits next? Our insecurities! ‘I wish my hair was that long….She is so much sexier than I am…
I have watched women look at other women, then adjust their clothing – pull a blouse out from their middle, pull their sweater around their body, pull their skirt down, stand up straighter. I see smiles fade and cheeks blush, strides slow and peppy steppers become weighed-down strollers. I’ve caught myself doing these very actions?

Why is it that we must compare ourselves to each other? What good does it do? Just to state the obvious, NONE! I recently experienced a wonderful afternoon that was anything but the aforementioned! A friend of mine invited a group of women to come over to watch “The Goddess Project.” I was fortunate enough to have the afternoon free! We nibbled, chatted, laughed and cried as we watched this beautiful documentary on women across the United States. A circle of women sat empowered watching women that could have been any one of us! Without adding any spoilers….I highly recommend it! I am currently planning my own circle of powerful women to watch it!!

The Pain of Wanting to be Like Everyone Else

As a grade eight teacher, some days I’m especially reminded of the harsh world the students live in. Since I primarily work with adolescents struggling in school in some form or the other, I am pretty familiar with the many ways a student suffers on a daily, even minute to minute basis. Sometimes it pains me in such a way, I cry for them, for me, for us, for humanity.

A student’s comment caught me off guard today. As we worked on multi-step Algebra equations, we were also discussing the difficulties of Algebra in general. After saying, “This is really hard work.” The reply was, “If it’s so hard, why can everyone else do it?” My heart broke right then and there, sitting in the classroom, another crack with another student’s name to add to the roster of 30 years. We continued our chat, but I don’t think I was able to turn that student’s thoughts around. Sometimes I just hate math!!

Setting Boundaries

Do you have someone in your life that consumes so much of your time so that their needs are met? Do you help them so often that you are unable to complete your own tasks? Do you feel frustrated? resentful?

I recently learned about “energy vampires.” Boy, do some people know some serious bloodsuckers! I quickly realized that I had one in my very own midst! Trying to avoid the fate of awakening each day from my own cozy coffin, I, with the help of friends, brainstormed ways to keep me from such a demise!

Let’s back it up though…. before I was aware of how much energy I was putting into this person and why I was feeling so stressed, here’s a few things I did on a regular basis: answered questions, helped, taught, explained, modeled, gave, suggested strategies, retaught, explained and modeled differently, gave more, came up with more strategies to the same problems, answered more questions,…Does this sound familiar?

The first boundary I set was asking politely, “Would you be willing to wait until I get my coat off before asking me questions? It helps me start my day off on a postive note when I get myself settled in at my desk first.” I know, pretty tough, right? It was a baby step, but it worked. Unfortunately, nothing else changed. I wondered, does a vampire feel as if they are a thoughtful friend if the ask so sweetly to bite into your neck? The thirst for more was evident behind that poor mesmile.

I did try setting some indirect boundaries that not only did not work, but fostered resentment in me. As this resentment increased over time, the more I became the poor me. One of the last times I tried to help this person, it didn’t end well. By then I had built up so much anger, at me! I was mad for not taking care of myself. Depleted of that life-giving force barely running through my veins, I needed support! I had a terrible few days and once again, it was all about the vamp! Feeling hurt, I blew up! Quickly feeling shamed of my behavior, I sincerely apologized for yelling. What happened then you ask? I heard once again, the Poor Me mantra. I really had to figure this out – for my own mental health!

I read and was given a number of ideas on how to respond to this sweet, caring, gentle and wonderful person, who when not donning a black cape and fangs, is genuinely lovely. Four months had past from our new partnership and I knew I had to do something! I was prepared with a list of things I would say the next time I was charmingly invited to dinner for one.

It came the next morning (to no surprise by me), but I was prepared. What surprised me was what came out of my mouth – not the many phrases I had been given – but something very different. The thoughts in my head were put on hold. Instead, I spoke from my heart and said, “I’m not sure if you’ve realized this or not, but for the past few weeks (the new year), I’ve been really trying to set boundaries for myself. I’ve realized that when I help people so much, I don’t get my own work done. When I don’t get my work done, I feel stressed and have to do more of it at home. This takes more time away from my husband and he misses me. I hope you understand.” It was understood and I thanked my heart for stepping in and taking the lead!

P.S. Things have really changed!! ….but I still keep the list of phrases prepared, just in case…

I am shocked!!

Have you ever heard a story – a real life occurrence – that left you so dumbstruck that you had to take your hand to force your jaw, closing your mouth before the proverbial flies made use of the space? I’m sure you have….but I have to say at this point in my life, it doesn’t happen to me too often, but…

This week, a colleague shared an appalling act that is occuring on a frequent basis! I still can hardly believe it! My heart cried out, “No, people would never let that happen.” My eyes filled with tears as she told me her tale. My ears burned with heat from disgust. Muscles all over my body tightened as I froze in disbelief. Stunned into silence, my body like a steel post, I stood like a statue next to the copy machine and listened, flabbergasted.

She told of an organization that provides transportation for adults with disabilities. I’m sure they mean well and most likely run on very little staff, but the events she mentioned left me dumbfounded. Her words were few, but my mind ran wild with visions.

I saw a joyful adult with cognitive challenges waiting for his ride, excited for a fun day out on his own. He walks out to the sidewalk at the end of his yard and stands there happily anticipating the sight of his driver pulling up. The pickup time passes and many minutes tick by….no driver…no understanding of why. Standing alone, I see a confused and frustrated man whose day turns from a happy sunny-side-up egg to burnt toast, as his body slumps forward in disappointment.

I envision a woman with blindness who walks to her pickup stop, biding her time – for three hours – in the pouring rain for her driver. She knows she must wait for these hours, so she endures the unending shower. Why? The business has explained the only driver that is able to pick her up has other passengers and cannot give an exact time, only a three hour minute window. Would you wait one hundred eighty minutes for a ride as the rain pelts your umbrella, sending echos of its drops vibrating through your body?

These adults, and many, many others like them, have no other choice. They are grateful, as my coworker shared, that groups exist to provide this transportation. Really? Is this how our communities value their inhabitants? For whom do we provide the highest level of service in our society – to those who need it or to those who can afford it? Do we realize the vast discrepancy between peoples with and without dis-abilities? This is just one aspect of the discordance in our culture. Who are the dis-abled? Those of us who are not able to help others, perhaps?

I am shocked.

A Lost Soul

So many lost souls surround me… next door, down the street, in front of the line at the grocery store… They are everywhere – wisps of wind whispering in my ear. They share their secrets, but I don’t hear them.

I am frightened of the undeniable pain in which these lost souls live. My heart retreats, as fear takes its place. I look down at my chest, checking to ensure it hasn’t caved in. I don’t acknowledge them.

These souls are desperately trying to connect with other souls. They search for just one other, dreaming that their anguish of alienation will melt away. They desperately reach, stretching their arms to try to touch me. I don’t feel them.

They have all the markings of happy souls living in human bodies, but their eyes betray their jolly countenances. The lost souls pray they will rescued from their inner torment. I look away. I don’t see them.

I lie in bed, as they float around in my head – whispering, feeling, seeing the never-ending lost souls. I turn away from them, running, escaping, hiding. There is one chasing me! I turn to look back and see my reflection in the mirror.

Letting Rage out of Its Cage

The key to getting out-

Scream and shout,

Stomp and kick,

Shake a stick.

Screech and squeal,

Rage is real.

It’s okay to feel anger,

Get a drum and be a banger.

Find a spot and have a sit,

Yell, yell, yell,

Hit, hit, hit.

Grunt and growl

Squeeze a towel.

Stomp, stomp, stomp,

Shout, shout, shout,

It feels so good to let it out!