Tag: grounding

A Step into the Dark Forest from my Yellow Brick Road

Ah….just took care of Little Jodi again – I’m so glad I’m getting good at this Self-Therapy gig I’ve got going! In leaving my safe, yet unfilling, job last year, I recently had to obtain health insurance on my own. I can see why people make the choice to stay in a job that no longer brings them joy because they want health coverage. For me, my decision fell in the direction of daily happiness and knowing that I was meant to do more at this stage in life. 

I experienced a step off of my path to Oz into the dark forest with a quick look from my dermatologist to her assistant this week. The doc wanted to biopsy a few spots so I replied that my coverage had changed. She stopped, locked eyes with her assistant. Seeing that, my heart immediately detached from its string and fell, banging off my tin ribs, empty belly, off my shiny pelvis and down my rod iron legs into my right tin boot. 

My heart screamed along its way down, “Oh no! What have I done? What if <my husband> has melanoma again? How has my choice hurt my family? Me? Who is going to take care of me? I’m all alone and it’s all my fault!” Tears came to my eyes and my eyelids turned to tin so they wouldn’t close and betray me. No tears would be seen by anyone. I tuned into the doctor’s voice already in response to me.

“….save this for another six weeks and you can see what you’ll have to pay for the biopsies and let us know what you want to do then.” I nodded silently and when they awkwardly departed, I dressed as quickly as possible and hobbled out of there.

Once in the privacy of my car, I let the tears fall and felt my heart make its way back up into my chest. I became aware that this heart was not 55 years old, but only 8 or 9! It was Little Jodi. She was sad and scared, feeling alone and shameful, selfish and confused. Acknowledging that she was the person feeling and expressing all of these emotions, I gently spoke to her explaining that everything will be okay and that the Universe is always taking care of us. I now have a skill set that can handle this adjustment with just a bit of oil from the oil can and she would be taken care of. My outer shell of tin disappeared and I was mobile, flexible and ready for my next steps of the day.

As I rode home, I reflected on Grownup Jodi’s old ways. An old choice I would’ve made was to go home, crawl into bed, feel sad, mad, resentful,…. You name it… because that was comfortable, normal and familiar. I understood that was a coping mechanism that protected me from further negativity, but that I had an entire tool belt full of tools to use now. 

I pulled in my driveway, went straight to my gardening gear and worked out in the yard for the afternoon. Moving the leaves, earth, stones and plants allowed me to get out of my head, into my body and feel gratitude for all things in my life. I was so happy that I was able to see the light at the edge of the dark forest and quickly find my feet upon my yellow brick road again.

Latest Life Lessons on Perspective

Looking down from above….

This past week the universe has led me into yet another focus on perspective. This is not my first perspective rodeo, but it’s been a good long ride! 

Last Sunday when I was driving to meet a friend to go hiking I noticed that I had sandals on and not my hiking shoes. Immediately thinking of it from a different perspective I came to the conclusion that I needed to take it easy and have a nice slow mindful walk that day. My day turned out perfectly! As an additional perk, I easily slipped off those sandals and walked barefoot back and forth along a log lying across a river just off the path! What fun!

Monday I was picking raspberries out of my garden. As I gently nudged the berries from their grip on the stems, sharing their beautiful fruit with me, a thought popped in my mind. I hunted for the juicy redness amongst the leaves and was turning my head and body to and fro. Just as I was looking at the bushes, I thought, if I don’t stop or pause and take the opportunity to look at things from different angles, I may miss a gift the universe has for me! I kept this message swirling in my mind as I continued to fill my bucket.

My week continued in this way and by Friday, another big message hit me.  I had found the cutest little camper for sale about an hour from my home. I made a plan to drive there to check it out hoping that it might be just what my daughter and I have been looking for. I discovered the price tag was too steep for what it provided for us. (If I had channeled Bam Bam from the Flintstones I could’ve easily hit my club two times on the ground – Bam! Bam! and picked it up with my finger!) 

Instead of being disappointed that the camper wasn’t meant for us I quickly decided to open my AllTrails app and see what was around. Lo and behold quite a number of trails that looked interesting were nearby and off I went (hiking shoes now in my mini cooper)!

As I hiked alone I thought back to the time in my life when I hiked a lot. I lived in Hawaii and my husband at the time was deployed with the Marine Corps for 22 out of the 24 months we lived there. I remember calling and calling people to find someone to hike with and when I couldn’t find anyone I was sorely disappointed and stayed home. At that time hiking alone just emphasized that I was alone and feeling alone made me very sad. Those two years were a challenge!

Luckily, much time has passed and my perspective has changed! Hiking on my own that day seemed like a glorious idea and it was! I didn’t have the fear of getting lost or feeling scared if I heard a noise as I had in my early 20s. At one point I came to an opening in the woods and had an uneasy feeling…30 years ago this feeling would have made me scared thinking that somebody was in the woods nearby or an animal was close and would make me feel very unsafe. I did have that thought for a second, but was aware that I was looking back at myself as a 24-year-old.  I told my young self, “That’s not you any longer, Jodi. You are not alone; you are not in a state of fear any longer; you feel uneasy because you have stepped off the path. You need to look around and see where the path is and find your way back on it.”

With my heart filled with happiness and a bit of excitement in my belly I searched and quickly found a felled tree with trail markings painted upon it. Climbing over its trunk I thanked it and told it that it was still serving and sharing its strength with the rest of us on this trail even in its death. Smiling even more widely, I thought to myself, “I had stepped off the trail briefly and jumped right back on. My uneasiness was a hint to stop and look around.” 

I’m so grateful that this trail reminded me of perspective. I can see the paths I take in life and I am able to look at things from different perspectives and to get back on them if I believe I’m heading in the wrong direction! I also now know that I am never alone! I am connected to everything and everyone and I can trust myself to make the right decisions and ask for guidance when I need some assistance. I stopped, I looked, the trees answered.

Latest Life Lessons on Perspective

Looking down from above….

This past week the universe has led me into yet another focus on perspective. This is not my first perspective rodeo, but it’s been a good long ride! 

Last Sunday when I was driving to meet a friend to go hiking I noticed that I had sandals on and not my hiking shoes. Immediately thinking of it from a different perspective I came to the conclusion that I needed to take it easy and have a nice slow mindful walk that day. My day turned out perfectly! As an additional perk, I easily slipped off those sandals and walked barefoot back and forth along a log lying across a river just off the path! What fun!

Monday I was picking raspberries out of my garden. As I gently nudged the berries from their grip on the stems, sharing their beautiful fruit with me, a thought popped in my mind. I hunted for the juicy redness amongst the leaves and was turning my head and body to and fro. Just as I was looking at the bushes, I thought, if I don’t stop or pause and take the opportunity to look at things from different angles, I may miss a gift the universe has for me! I kept this message swirling in my mind as I continued to fill my bucket.

My week continued in this way and by Friday, another big message hit me.  I had found the cutest little camper for sale about an hour from my home. I made a plan to drive there to check it out hoping that it might be just what my daughter and I have been looking for. I discovered the price tag was too steep for what it provided for us. (If I had channeled Bam Bam from the Flintstones I could’ve easily hit my club two times on the ground – Bam! Bam! and picked it up with my finger!) 

Instead of being disappointed that the camper wasn’t meant for us I quickly decided to open my AllTrails app and see what was around. Lo and behold quite a number of trails that looked interesting were nearby and off I went (hiking shoes now in my mini cooper)!

As I hiked alone I thought back to the time in my life when I hiked a lot. I lived in Hawaii and my husband at the time was deployed with the Marine Corps for 22 out of the 24 months we lived there. I remember calling and calling people to find someone to hike with and when I couldn’t find anyone I was sorely disappointed and stayed home. At that time hiking alone just emphasized that I was alone and feeling alone made me very sad. Those two years were a challenge!

Luckily, much time has passed and my perspective has changed! Hiking on my own that day seemed like a glorious idea and it was! I didn’t have the fear of getting lost or feeling scared if I heard a noise as I had in my early 20s. At one point I came to an opening in the woods and had an uneasy feeling…30 years ago this feeling would have made me scared thinking that somebody was in the woods nearby or an animal was close and would make me feel very unsafe. I did have that thought for a second, but was aware that I was looking back at myself as a 24-year-old.  I told my young self, “That’s not you any longer, Jodi. You are not alone; you are not in a state of fear any longer; you feel uneasy because you have stepped off the path. You need to look around and see where the path is and find your way back on it.”

With my heart filled with happiness and a bit of excitement in my belly I searched and quickly found a felled tree with trail markings painted upon it. Climbing over its trunk I thanked it and told it that it was still serving and sharing its strength with the rest of us on this trail even in its death. Smiling even more widely, I thought to myself, “I had stepped off the trail briefly and jumped right back on. My uneasiness was a hint to stop and look around.” 

I’m so grateful that this trail reminded me of perspective. I can see the paths I take in life and I am able to look at things from different perspectives and to get back on them if I believe I’m heading in the wrong direction! I also now know that I am never alone! I am connected to everything and everyone and I can trust myself to make the right decisions and ask for guidance when I need some assistance. I stopped, I looked, the trees answered.