A scream….footsteps…I spring to my feet looking in all directions as my heartbeat increases to meet the urgency of the distress. I quickly walk to the back door of my Montessori preschool classroom. Before I get there, in rushes an assistant ushering in a frightened little one. With blood on his lower lip and tears streaming down his face, I understand at once that the previous fun of his loose tooth has turned its own corner. From fun to frightened after another boy’s elbow found his mouth while playing.
The handoff from assistant to teacher is complete and I grab a cup of cold water and ice pack . I hope to help alleviate the blood flow and even a bit of the pain. Still crying hysterically, I guide the wounded soldier into a chair all the while hearing through the sobs, “I don’t like this.” We chat briefly about how growing up is exciting and sometimes a challenge. When I hear him say once again through loud sobs and short, rapid breaths, “But I don’t like this,” my mindfulness toolbelt magically appears before my eyes.
This young man has practiced deep breathing and meditation with his classmates throughout this school year, so when I ask him to take a deep breath in, I watch him close his eyes. This alone makes me smile. Before closing mine, I ask him if he’d like us to hold hands while we breathe together. He nods, eyes still shut and I follow suit. We breathe in unison; his tears stop flowing and his breath lengthens.
Opening our eyes, I ask him if he’d like to try a new strategy to help him stay with this peaceful feeling inside. Having our breath work be such a success, he readily agrees. I teach him how to do the Emotional Freedom Technique (EFT), otherwise known as tapping. We go through the process together, saying things like, “Even though my tooth is falling out and I don’t like it, I am okay” and “Even though I don’t like the feeling in my mouth right now, I am safe.”
Somewhere in there… I had phoned his mother to pick him up (about 15 minutes early) and she is now at the door. In my experience, when an upset person appears calm and then sees a loved one, the floodgates start or reoccur. That’s what I’ve done in the past myself! To my surprise, this was not the case. He ran to his mom and hugged her, just holding on to his pure first love, feeling the safety of her embrace.
I’d like to think the breathing and tapping put him into such a peaceful space that he not only felt safe and okay, but truly felt it. I’m still smiling….
This is one of my favorite meditations. My version is adapted from various others I have experienced.
By repeating a series of statements, or mantras, either silently or aloud, the meditator will mentally send happiness, warmth, kindness and compassion to others as well as to themselves. When practicing this meditation, you may feel your heart fill with joy, an increase in your self-worth, increased empathy for others and so much more! You may even feel your mouth curl upward!
I always like to settle into myself as I prepare myself to meditate. I may close my eyes and connect with my breath, or place my feet firmly into the ground or onto the floor, feeling the connection of my body to the earth. However you like to begin a meditation, do so.
When you are ready, repeat these statements silently or aloud:
For you:
May I be happy.
May I be peaceful.
May I be well.
May I live with ease.
Thinking of another person you feel neutral about (a grocery cashier, bus driver…):
May you be happy.
May you be peaceful.
May you be well.
May you live with ease.
Thinking of another person you have negative feelings about:
May you be happy.
May you be peaceful.
May you be well.
May you live with ease.
Thinking of the world:
May we all be happy.
May we all be peaceful.
May we all be well.
May we all live with ease.
You may repeat these as many times as you’d like, or say them just once if you’d like. Whatever you choose to do will be the right thing for you at that moment.
I opened my book “1,001 Ways to Live in the Moment” by Barbara Ann Kipfer and read the Nigerian Proverb: Hold a true friend with both hands.
This really spoke to me. Holding with both hands means being able to give and to receive. Receiving is often the hard part for many of us, and I know it is for me. It recently took me days to ask a friend for some help. As I processed it for the nth time, my husband finally said, ‘You know you’d do the exact same thing for her without hesitating.’ As soon as he said that, I gave myself permission to ask. I continue to work on not only asking for help, but also being able to receive from others. I am learning to give myself that permission more and more.
My mind continued to pop with bubbles of thought. Both hands….masculine and feminine. At what degree do I put action and effort into my friendships? …do I kindly empathize and lovingly support them?
Do I create friendships, occasions, items for my friends? Do I work for these friendships. I so love my dearest friends and feel satisfied with my reflections, but I often want to do more, connect deeper with others and wonder why I don’t. Is it a time factor? A place? The giving up something else in order to do so? I believe that I am always where I am supposed to be and with whom I’m supposed to be with. So, I need to remind myself that it is okay. All is okay. I hold my true friends with both hands – either in the past, present or future, and the amount of times makes no difference. Each interaction is special and meaningful in its own rite, as long as I use both. I will continue to give and be open to receiving all the gifts of friendship I encounter.
Our hands are an extension of our heart. Reach out and receive loving friendships with both hands. They may develop when you least expect them!